Last night I watched the classic Disney film Aladdin with a few mates, R, J and C (not always credited below to create an air of mystery). Here is a record of some of the things we felt arose from the film. (And, as I say, apologies to Buzzfeed for nicking their article format idea.)

1. “I love this opening. He’s talking to me!”

2. “If Jasmine is of an age to be married off, then surely given this period of history she must be about 13, maybe? And Aladdin’s perhaps 15? 18? This seems sketchy.”

3. “When is this taking place anyway? The Thousand and One Nights were collected over hundreds of years but I’m guessing Islamic Golden Age, so 8^th to 16^th century? I’m leaning to the 13^th century. That feels good to me.”
“Ignore the Genie, he’s obvs a time traveller from all his modern references.” – M

4. “Where are they getting apples from in the Middle East?”

5. “Jasmine’s been missing from the palace for, what, a day by now? Why hasn’t her dad had the guards turn the city upside down looking for her?”

6. “Spoke too soon, there’s the guards.”

7. “Is Iago the bird not just the more mean-spirited cousin of Zazu in The Lion King?”

8. “You know, if you cross Robin Williams and Rowan Atkinson, who voiced Zazu, you get Rowan Williams, ex-Archbishop of Canterbury.”

9. “Your orders are from Jafar? Are they not from Ja-near?”

10. “How many times are they going to say ‘Cave of Wonders’ in this?” – J
“And is it a euphemism or not?” – M

11. “I want a carpet that mooches.”

12. “There’s some serious Indiana Jones homaging here with the lamp-removal-from-cave scene.”

13. “Why is everyone assuming the carpet is male? Surely it’s not gendered.”
“Typical patriarchy.” – R

14. “The Genie’s song is exhausting! It’s tiring watching it!” – R

15. “So the Genie’s made Aladdin a prince of a place he’s just invented, but are all these people actual people with lives or are they just constructs? We don’t see them again in the film so I assume they vanish with the wish? Does that ‘kill’ them? What?”
“Shh. The Genie invents ‘a whole new world’.” – R

16. “Pinocchio face! Sebastian the Crab! All the Disney references!”

17. “The Sultan reminds me of Alistair Darling with those eyebrows.” – C

18. “All the dudes getting cocky in wedding negotiations. No wonder Jasmine’s angry.”

19. “Jasmine’s a lot more vocal than I remember. She’s pretty good at voicing her dislike of the marriage thing. I approve.”

20. “Did Aladdin just say ‘good girls take off their clothes’?”

21. “I’ve just noticed that Jasmine’s belly-button is the shape of a 6.” – R

22. Break whilst R and J fight over their respective duet parts in “A Whole New World”.

23. “They’re flying past the Sphinx getting built, but that was well before the Greek stuff they’re flying past – is this a time-travelling carpet?”

24. “The carpet is the most expressive character in this.”

25. “When Jasmine asks ‘Do you think I’m stupid?’, Aladdin is clearly thinking ‘Well, you’re hot and this is Disney, so I assumed yeah.’”

26. “Screw Jafar! They’re doing a good job of making him a proper dislikeable villain with that ‘speechless I see, a good quality in a wife’ line.”

27. “Be nice to Robin Williams, kid, you’ll miss him when he’s gone.” – M
“We all do.” – C

28. “Why is Iago the bird doing impressions of the other characters? Does he think he’s Robin Williams?”

29. “It seems kind of easy to become Sultan. Surely there’s more to it than just changing clothes.”

30. “Jafar really isn’t beating around the bush now.”

31. “I’m lost, is that snow or just sand that hasn’t been coloured in?”

32. “Jasmine’s outfit is definitely channelling a bit of Princess-Leia-as-Jabba-the-Hutt’s-captive in this bit as Jafar’s magic slave.”

33. “Trapping someone in an hour-glass is pretty innovative. As a time-conscious person though, that’s my worst nightmare.”

34. Collective eurgh-ing as Jasmine kisses Jafar.

35. “Huh. Everything’s back to normal just like that?”

36. “I’m predicting that the Genie will stay with Aladdin because of Stockholm Syndrome.”

37.“So Jasmine can complain as much as she likes about arranged marriage, but no-one really listens and nothing can be done until her dad changes a law. Patriarchy. Right there.”

38. “Hang on, this ending still means that Aladdin has to be the next sultan, when his not wanting that is kind of what caused major problems half an hour ago. I think Jasmine should be the next sultan anyway.”

39. “This film came out in 1992: that means it’s as old as me!”

40. “I am never not going to dance to Friend Like Me.”